Severus Snape, former Hogwarts Defence Against the Dark Arts professor and Head of Slytherin, is reportedly determined to market his own brand of low-priced hair grooming products writes bella_bellatrix, special correspondent. when interviewed yesterday, Snape argued “its high time for someone with a real sence for hygiene to produce a line of easily applied hair care shampoos and conditioners that truly work, for those select few deeply imersed in the Dark Arts, and with little time for self-grooming.” the brand is to be called Severus’s Easy-On Speedy Soaps.

Text by Bella_Bellatrix. Image by Ryan.

Severus Snape, former Hogwarts Potionmaster, has recently visited Stonehenge. On a business trip with some Death Eaters, they decided to stop by the monolith. The photo seen to the right was taken by Bellatrix Lestrange. The visit to the landmark took place about a week and a half ago. “I didn’t know it was that big” was Severus’s comment on the monolith.

This picture was taken in London today. The odd smudges in the sky were explained by the Ministry to be “Thestrals migrating south for the winter” and that they “appear on film as wonky smudges”. However, our very reliable sources say that they are in fact Crumple-Horned Snorkaks. We have no idea what they were doing in London as of yet, but we’ll find out. The Snorkaks appear as blurs because they are not entirely visible on film.

Good news for the Wizarding world. A new search engine as appeared (or apparated if you prefer). Ask Peeves. It’s named after everyone’s favorite Hogwarts poltergeist You can search the WizardNet for whatever you want. Maybe you forgot the key ingredient in a forgetfulness potion. Just enter you’re question on the website and you’ll have the answer in minutes. Of course, I like Google Wizards better. Maybe Yahoo will have a similar product out soon.

Here’s a screenshot of the Ask Peeves web site:

Just yesterday Harry Potter was seen by 67 muggles on an airplane. Around 11 o’ clock the plane had taken off a few minutes previously and was heading toward the Atlantic, leaving Britain. Mr. Potter was seen flying on a broom not far from the plane. He claims that he was “trying to catch the snitch”. Ministry officials didn’t believe that, because the snitch is enchanted to fly only within the boundaries of the Quidditch pitch. Professor Albus Dumbledore, however, confiremed the fact that the snitch flew out of the pitch. The reason is unknown. The snitch has been confiscated by the Ministry of Magic for further investigation. Hogwarts has replaced it with a new one. As for the results of the game? Gryffindor 250; Slytherin 30. While Harry Potter was catching the snitch, the Gryffindor chasers managed to score 10 times. The Slytherins weren’t so lucky.

Undoubtedly you’ve heard of the muggle beverage Coca-Cola. If your a wizard you’ve most likely heard of it, along with Wizard-Cola. Wizard-Cola is the wizarding world’s equivalent of Coca-Cola. What you may not know is it contains some odd ingrediants. I read them and decided to stick to Coke and Pepsi.

“Learn to make potions with easy to read lessons and sarcastic comments” says the cover of Potions for Dummies, Professor Severus Snape’s new book.

After Horace Slughorn took over the position of Hogwarts potions master, Prof. Snape took over the Defence Against the Dark Arts post. In his spare time Snape wrote this great book.

A few sample chapters are:

• Astonishing Antidotes: How to Reverse the Effect of Poisons.
• 1000 Ingredients You Should Keep on Hand.
• Basic Potionmaking Theory

• Erasing Common Errors: Workarounds for Common Potion Screw-ups.

This book is great for anyone who is having trouble with their potions or wants instructions for more advanced potions like:

• The Draught of the Living Death
• Veritaserum
• Felix Felicis
• Polyjuice Potion

It’s published by Wily Publishing. The standard retail price is 6 galleons, 4 sickles and 21 knuts ($29.99 US).

Just yesterday a regular bowler at Family Fun Bowling Center spotted Sirius Black and Albus Dumbledore bowling. Both are allegedly dead — but we think otherwise. They apparently bowl regularly (Dumbledore bowls three times a week). Dumbledore bowled is third 300 game, and Sirius got a 223. Dumbledore says the lanes are good and he plans on joining a league there. His bowling ball is a fingertip-style 15-pound Inferno series.

Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy, was arrested today after letting Death Eaters into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
“It was Potter!” he has said quite a few times. He claims to have witnesses to back him up.
Ministry employees haven’t believed a word he has said so far.

We’ve just recieved word that a flying Ford Anglia car was seen in Washington, DC (a city in the United States). Pictured here flying by the Washington Monument, you may notice something odd about the automobile. If you look closely, you’ll notice that THERE’S NO DRIVER! It’s truly a phantom car. Twelve muggles plus one wizard say the haunted car. The Ministry of Magic (and several U.S. organisations) deny the existance of the car.